Jigme and OG's BMX Safari

bicycle motocross
n.

A cross-country bicycle race, especially one involving young people riding bicycles designed for rough terrain.

sa.fa.ri
n. pl.

An overland expedition, especially one for hunting or exploring in eastern Africa.
A journey or trip: a sightseeing safari.

News!

05th April 2010

It's still warm, the blood that flows through these veins, ya know! Hello to the thousands upon thousands of BMX SAFARI fans out there who've been writing us letters every week. It's touching to see! My pink, frilly knickers selection has gotten more impressive than ever! An update? Sure, why fucking not. Hold on, it's gunna get ugly.

Jigme's Update

In short, since our last update where I was working in Broome, W. Australia with the heroes of BMX - Broome Cycles - Jigme, your humble narrator, has survived busting it through Cambodia and through Vietnam, South to North, and has been living in Hanoi for about 1 year, teaching English to young hoards of Vietnamese children.

Raising an army in Vietnam proved quite easy. Singing, games and the liberal application of novelty erasers and sweets was radically effective. They are lurking down any alleyway, ready to ambush anyone not busting it to 100% of their ability. Beware of the North Vietnamese BMX SAFARI Army-aii, bitchez. While teaching in Vietnam has been excellent, Jigme is making his triumphant return to Australia May 28th, at 11:30pm. You can join the throngs of screaming skanks at the airport and maybe score an autograph if the winds and heavens deem you worthy. We're a tad short of mascots these days, so if you feel like dressing especially slutty, it'll lubricate the process, so to speak.

Orange Grips' Update

Orange Grip's Mighty CT110 Steed Orange Grips has continued proving to a world that requires not another shred of evidence, that he's a modern day poet - illiterate in writ and creed though he may be - of most epic proportions, and is worthy of several medals to which medallions pay no tribute to.

Our heroic OG, with the determination of an unarmed, Stalingrad Ruskie, crossed the nullabour, solo, on a Honda CT110 motorcycle through hundreds of kilometers of desert sands, deadly and angry outback fauna and the terrifying abyss which is a man's mind when left alone for lonely miles to become lost to the madness of human thought.

Currently being sponsored by the Australian Government in a new scholarship incentive, he is living his days in Tasmania, constantly gazing Westward, dreaming of the tabletop and rythm section at Cockburn BMX Track.

Reuniting

On April 20th, our two heroes will reunite in Hanoi, for 2-3 weeks of motorcycle riding, tea drinking, and wheelie practice. A plan to review the fag-handling free-style bmx scene that seems to be focused around the statue of Vladamir "I am the walrus" Lenin near the war museum on Dien Bien Phu (the road, not the battle).

My plan is to keep this website online for many years to come, and over that course, do some more track reviews upon returning to Australia if Orange Grips also returns. While the entire Internet is obsessed with Facebook, Myspace, Youtube and everyone cowers from the idea of having a website not hooked up to a so called "social networking" framework, the BMX SAFARI still shines, as a beacon to the pride that comes from maintaining your own BMX bike, be it a Stingray, or the latest HARO fluro monster that Jigme is currently riding, or from maintaining your own stand-alone html website. There will be Jigme and Orange Grips, bathed in fog effects, saucy bitchez, and with the full backing of an army of Vietnamese children. Never forgetting the legacy left by legends such as Stomin Stu Thompson, Blake Schofield, the Taylor Brothers and Kylie Patroni, till next time, remember.. STAY AWAY MARK, STAY AWAY!

12th December 2008

Look. The olympics were heartbreaking. We got pimped by the bloody South Africans and we generally bailed in both Female and Male class. I blame the yarpies.

Let's talk about Broome, cos it was a god damn bmx FIESTA! There's never been a place so ripe for a BMX track than Broome. The dirt there is like CONCRETE when it's been watered and left to dry and there's dudes on BMX bikes everywhere.

While I was in Broome this year, I worked at the regal establishment, Broome Cycles. Now, dear readers, as devoted BMX SAFARI fans, if you're within a couple hundred kms from Broome, drop into Broome Cycles and talk to the cats there. Shit, while you're there, tell em "THE BMX FUCKING SAFARI SEND ME!" for an instant bang-up discount on something radical.

Give em a call on 08 9192 1871. Tell em Jigme sent ya. Bitchez!

There's Mo, out the back who fixes bikes, fails with fakie rolls backs and fucks with call centre employees 5-6 days a week. Out front, you've got the bosses, Dundee and Dee. You'll recognise Dundee by the big fella running around the place, unable to find his own pause button, periodically calling out combinations of the following catch phrases.

Look Out!
We'll get you up and racing again!
Ooh, Here's trouble! (ususally preceeded with a Look Out!
Get a flat! (If he says this to you, get out of there)
What should we get for lunch today Mo? Maccas?

Not to mention Cam, the BMX freak who seems to stick everything he tries. Rhis who's in charge of selling something to you when you come into the door (on her shifts) and the crazy kids of Team Double-D, Keeley and Courtney.

A word to the wise. Don't give Dee any excuse to cut you down to size. She might not be able to eclipse the sun with radical face-shaking turndowns but she'll wtfpwn you if you annoy her.

I've got some photos of the general BMX worthiness of Broome including Dee's radical face-plant she took off the BMX SAFARI Pro Section MkII that Orange Grips, Mo and I created with our own 6 hands. Also

Here's Cam busting a jump over Dundee. Checkitout.

Pictures of building a jump at the well-kept-secret.: The Willie Creek Safari!
Pictures of the send-off bmx session at the Broome Skate Park.: Photo Gallery

August 13th 2008

Olympic Rings Oh My Fucking God! The BMXSAFARI has gone Olympics Crazy 'cos this year, along with the illiadic sports of archery, running, sailing, shotput, javellin and all that shit that Diomedes is radical at, BMX riders are now recognised as gladiators, pimping the enemy at every corner!

Mark these days boys and Kylie Patroni, these are grand times we're living in. Forget the wars being waged around the world and the poverty people are living in and the raging lack of humanity within humanity because BMX IS AN OLYMPIC SPORT!

Here's the breakdown. We have one day at the olympics.

Women's Semifinals Run 1: 11:00 AM EST, 21/08
Men's Semifinals Run 1: 11:08 AM EST, 21/08
Women's Final Run: 12:30 PM EST, 21/08
Men's Final Run: 12:40 PM EST, 21/08

Errr, no update in over a year?

Yeah yeah yeah. We were on stress leave. We had to lay low for a while. It was getting hard to go shopping and the like because of our fans so we had to chill and let our rep subside. It was getting tricky, but it's like that. It's just the way it is. Huh!

Our laying low consists of the Mighty Orange Grips heading northward for an indefinite period of time on a WR250f. He is currently leaving Moora for glorious Geraldton and... Ooh my god. OFFICIAL BMXSAFARI AUSTRALIA TOUR! If anyone around Australia wants to put the mighty Orange Grips up for a while on their couch as he traverses this grand land, then shoot me an email and I'll let him know (he doesn't have reliable internet).

The ever popular and the obvious favourite and crowd pleaser, Jigme is currently residing in Broome, awaiting trial for being awesome. He should really be charged with continually, and randomly switching from the 1st to 3rd person but he's avoided authorities thus far.

Jigme is working at the illustrious Broome Cycles doing various tasks including bike mechanics and renting bikes to people who wanna do the right thing and bust it around Broome on a bike. Find yourself in Broome? Check it out and tell em "THe fucking BMXSAFARI sent me, bitch!" and I'm sure you'll get treated like a king. Maybe King George. But a king all the same, don't be fussy.

Orange Grips is heading towards Broome at a rate of OGs (slow and meandering) so we'll bust something out when we're reunited.

If you wanna keep track of Jigme's habbits, visit www.roseandsamsexcellentadventure.com, which is a blog of Jigme and his super sexy redheaded sidekick. Take it easy kids and enjoy the BMX OLYMPICS!

The internet I've got here is flakey at best ('borrowed' from the unsecured wireless network across the fence) so I'll post some damn good coverage of the events when they occur. Take it easy peeps!

April 25th 2007

Well it's about time! Those Taylor boys finally officially sponsored Jigme and Orange Grips! Those stingy good for nothing bastards finally came up with the goods. Well. Partially.

They insisted they pay to get our pedals gold plated. I objected, but was promptly overrulled so they plated our pedals with 24 carat gold. They only did one of Orange Grip's pedals due to the fact that he's a large steaming pile of crap when it comes to BMX racing and fag handling.

Thanks for the sponsorship gold pedal dipping boys, you guys really are the oldest and probably the most credited AA+ pros in Western Australia. Now you're sponsoring us with gold dipping, we can safely endorse you.

If you're ever looking for bike bits, check out the Taylor's BMX Shop near IGA on Rockingham Road, heading out of Fremantle. Probably in Hamilton Hill. Anyone wanna verify this?

See ya fags. Envy the pedals

April 20th 2007

We have a new 'track' review. Check out our reviews section for the Beaconsfield Bmx Track review.

April 19th 2007

Sorry, had to share this radness with you dudes.

April 17th 2007

Jigme and OG. Still alive. Just. We knew you'd come crawling back! Yes! I mean YOU!!!

We get on average, I would say, about One Million Five Hundred Thousand and Six emails every week asking us

"What happened?"

and

"What's happening with the safari dudes? You guys were so FUCKING AWESOME!"

and

"I miss you, take me back, I think I'm pregnant"

Well, it's been a while since the old upload button was pressed to ftp.bur.st so it's "GAME ON" from us and we've got a track or two lined up ready for documentation.

So let's break it down in a question and answer form!

So, what have you cunnoles been up to?: Well, in short. We have bought some dirtbikes.
OMFG!!!11!!ELEVENTYONE!!1 DOES THIS MEAN YOU'VE STOPPED RIDING YOUR AWESOME BMX BIKES WHICH YOU WERE SO AMAZINGLY SKILLED IN RIDING AND LOOKED SO ELEGANT THAT EVEN SCOTT TAYLOR, THE OLDEST AND PROBABLY MOST CREDITED AA+ PRO IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA, HAD TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND GO "MAN, THESE DUDES ARE AMAZINGLY SKILLED AND ELEGANT" ON???!!!: Well, firstly. That's a weird question. But the answer.. No. Orange Grips was still riding much more than me, around the traps, but I (Jigme, your faithful narrator) had all but dropped the riding of his Freeagent until about 4 days ago to which I exclaimed "I forgot how rad these things were". So here we are. Back in the saddle.
Let me see a photograph of these bikes. God damnit!: Our bikes.
Jigme's '02 TTR250 on the left with an Acerbis 23L tank.
OG's on the right. The mean '01 WR250F.
What happened to your beautiful Mascots?
: Alas, we fired them. One broke Jigme's glass heart, and the rest folded like a pair of 2's. We're looking for more. Actually, I tell a lie. Lily is still around and going stronger than ever. She's looking exceptionally beautiful these days so we'll have to get a new updated pic of her. Here's an old pic to refresh your memories. We have some prospects however!
Introducing the schweppervescent Letitia! What do you guys think? Does she pass the test?

So, In summary. We've got at least one track to put in, it's near our home town of Fremantle and it's not a pro track. It's a small token track built in a neglected area of the industrial region of Fremantle. I think it needs a little TLC, safari style. We'll probably also put some motorcycle stuff here at some point, simply because we can and it's fun. So keep it rubber side down unless you're doing backflips that eclipse the sun and keep your god damn eyes on our new mascot.

This is J n OG signing out.

April 16th 2007

Well Well Well! Look what the cat dragged in!!!
That's right kiddlywinks. It's still warm, the blood that flows through our veins!

A lot has happened since February 2006! I fear I can't even begin to explain it all in a single entry so I'll have to do it over several articles I think.

Tomorrow afternoon, the Safari resurrects!!!!